Thursday, May 21, 2015
It's five minutes past into 21st May 2015 and i have officially turned 24. As i type this to Ash starcrossed playing on my stereo, i feel nothing but nonchalant. Perhaps YAY would perk this post a little. So, YAY *pops imaginary confetti*. The day still stays the same although i did make my wish when i blew the candles at dinner yesterday. So i had the nicest birthday dinner this year - quiet and intimate just among my dearest favourite beings in the world; my family. My sister treated me an awesome green tea ice cream while my dad bought me thai dinner. Mom got me chocolate indulgence and my brother was unusually kind enough to take pictures today. He has never been a fan of snapping photos unless if it was a special occasion like my birthday. I hope something amazing happens later. Well if not then i will be very sad and i will play my sappy album. Oh well, such is life. So here's to me, Happy Birthday Melly!x
Monday, May 4, 2015
It was the start of a new month and the last weekend into the second week. It was also a long weekend where most people are either travelling, visiting relatives, catching up with sleep or some celebrating the great Lord Buddha's birthday. The city was quiet and the road empty. Cafes were loud with laughs and warm with love. Facebook bustled with postcard vacation pictures juxtaposed with the unavoidable holiday morbidity - accidents and death. While the air remained the same, the weather continued being fickle.
It was a good day like every off day. Greeted by the gorgeous sun, she was up and ready for her brunch date. It has been a long time since she last saw her friend. Wasting no time, she was ready in a jiffy in her most comfortable get up: sunshine ruffled top with her favourite denim shorts and her trusty moccasins. Hopped in her friend's car and off they went with their date. As they belted their lungs to Puddle of Mudd and No Diggity, the uncalled traffic found its way and built in front of them. Baffled and pissed, the conversation soon turned into topics about their lives while to kill the traffic time. The crawl ended faster than they thought and they quickly found themselves in a quaint Parisian restaurant. Ate and talked even more, they left happily and she was home just in time for dinner.
It was family dinner and she wasn't too excited about it nor anxious. She was just casual as usual and completely not bothered with meeting an old familiar face. Let's say a family friend. Yes, a family friend. She didn't want to be rude so she obliged to join for dinner. Besides, it has been awhile since everyone got together at a nice restaurant all dressed in nines. Let alone she is known to be an excellent player in the game of facial thickness. She got this just as she always had. Unfortunately, this time the game master wasn't too pleasant and decided to up the ante - it was a million times trickier than ever. It was the biggest maze that covered the whole universe and she was stucked in the dark tall shrubs. She wasn't afraid nor composed. While everyone flooded him with questions like he was President Obama but out with love, she was completely invisible. Although shaken deep inside, she was still strong at facial game with the help of Queen B's song playing in her head.
At that point, it felt like high school all over again - being an outcast - but different because it was her family this time. She shook it off and braved herself into the conversation with a bleak smile. Not like it was her intention for that smile but her dynamo was losing courage. Words begun to spin like a whirlwind in her head and her mouth was heavier than usual. She was lost with words. The next step to look 'normal' she thought was to play with her phone and looked busy. She did that most of the time only to muster her strength in order to prepare for the next tackle - to talk to him. As minutes passed like lightning outside, he turned to her and spoke. Trying not to look him in the eyes, she looked at his nose instead. This has always been a dandy trick for curbing her socially awkward anxieties. And, it worked perfectly.
The conversation quickly ended when her parents interrupted them. Being ever polite as he always have, he continued speaking to them while she screamed in pain with burning hatred on the inside. It was really noisy at the restaurant and it got worse as it grew louder progressively. Outside was pouring heavily but the loud air in the restaurant remained. As if the rain understood her, she was quickly comforted by mother nature and came into a perfect equanimity. Suddenly everything was silent, the dark clouds above her was gone and she saw clarity in front of her.
Happiness. She was happy and she knew that happiness was real and unquestionable and indescribable. Everything made sense to her and it was her parents happiness in their joy of friendship with him. She began to understand now. All she ever wanted for her parents was to be happy and she saw it in front of her. It was beautiful. However, verbal communication stayed zilch. She was really weak so her smile was all she had. Dinner soon came to an end and whatever was left in her voice was just a one word goodbye. They both bade their three-second farewell and left to being strangers all over again.
But this time, they were amazing strangers.
PS: It's funny how artistic brews in broken hearts.
Saturday, May 2, 2015
Something filled up but with nothing. The path seems to be crystal clear like the waters in this picture. However, idle. I am certain this is life's process of growing up. But now, i'm older and i can see my heart is colder. The warm breeze is nothing but frosty wind while summer is nothing but bleak. Albeit this acrtic bearing, it is only just the beginning of the beginning's end.
With all that said, i am definitely in need of a vacation. Oh, how i miss the salty air and sand in my hair. This picture was taken a year ago in the beautiful Perhentian Island. I'll be back soon...